Monday, December 6, 2010

Just for Laughs (2): You Know You Are In South Africa When...

You know you are South African when...

  1. You produce a R100 note instead of your driver’s licence when stopped by a traffic office.
  2. You can do your monthly shopping on the pavement.
  3. You have to hire a security guard whenever you park your car.
  4. You can count the national soccer team's scores with no fingers.
  5. To get free electricity you have to pay a connection fee of R750.
  6. Hijacking cars is a profession.
  7. You can pay your tuition fees by holding up a sign at a traffic light.
  8. The petrol in your tank may be worth more than your car.
  9. More people vote in a local reality TV show than in a local election.
  10. People have the most wonderful names: Christmas, Goodwill, Pretty, Wednesday, Blessing, Brilliant, Gift, Precious, Innocence, Samsung and Airtime.
  11. “Now now” can mean anything from a minute to a month.
  12. You continue to wait after a traffic light has turned to green to make way for taxis travelling in the opposite direction.
  13. Travelling at 120 km/h you’re the slowest vehicle on the highway.
  14. You’re genuinely and pleasantly surprised whenever you find your car parked where you left it.
  15. A bullet train is being introduced but we can’t fix potholes.
  16. The last time you visited the coast you paid more in speeding fines and toll fees than you did for the entire holiday.
  17. You paint your car's registration on the roof.
  18. Half your mail is guaranteed to reach its destination.
  19. You have to take your own linen with you if you are admitted to a government hospital.
  20. You dial a toll free number and nobody answers.
  21. You have to prove that you don’t need a loan to get one.
  22. Prisoners go on strike.
  23. You don’t stop at a red traffic light in case somebody hijacks your car.
  24. You consider it a good month if you only get mugged once.
  25. Rwandan refugees start leaving the country because the crime rate is too high.
  26. When 2 Afrikaans TV programs are separated by a Xhosa announcement of the following Afrikaans program, and a Pedi ad.
  27. The employees DANCE in front of the building to show how unhappy they are.
  28. The SABC advertises and shows highlights of the program you just finished viewing.
  29. You get cold easily. Anything below 16 degrees Celsius is Arctic weather.
  30. You call a bathing suit a “swimming costume”.
  31. You stop at robots, not traffic lights.
  32. You know what Rooibos tea is, even if you’ve never had any.
  33. You can sing your national anthem in four languages, and you have no idea what it means in any of them.
  34. You know someone who knows someone who has met Nelson Mandela.
  35. You go to “braais” (barbecues) regularly, where you eat boerewors (long meaty sausage-type thing) and swim, sometimes simultaneously.
  36. You have a gear lock for your car.
  37. You’ve never seen snow in real life.
  38. You know that there’s nothing to do in the Free State.
  39. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from South Africa because you know its true…

Yes, ok, so it is all true, but it's not as bad as it seems! I do still ♥ my country!

Got something funny to share? Post it on your blog and leave a link in the comments below. Or, if it's short, just share it in the comments :-)


Kittie Howard said...

Fun! And I get it (except for the tea...completely over my head!) We have similar jokes in Louisiana. Actually, they're in sinfully over-priced little books tourists can't get enough of. Hmmm!

Joking aside, hub and I have driven all over your gorgeous country without a problem. You could do the same in Louisiana (but I still love the jokes; shame on me!)

The Golden Eagle said...

Those are some interesting facts about South Africa! I can't believe people are actually name Samsung and Airtime . . .

Funny post! :)

C. N. Nevets said...

haha Great stuff. Really brings the diversity of your national experience alive!

Joanna St. James said...

I'm so naming my next baby Samsung if its a boy. This was really hilarious and of course most of them passed over my head but it still was funny.

KarenG said...

My son just came home from 2 years in South Africa so I actually get some of these jokes!! I'm sending him a link to this post. And I think #21 applies in any country!

kar_took said...

This is great, Rachel. I'm enjoying all the light hearted posts doind the rounds at the moment.

Numbers 4, 9, 15, 18, 21, 22 & 30 can also be applied to being Scottish with the slight modification that the government has decided we can't afford the train either.

Cinette said...

Most of them were over my head, I'm afraid, but then, I never go anywhere! This post reminded me of a comics' rendition of "You might be a Canadian if..."

gideon 86 said...

I really enjoy your just for laughs post.... Last weeks was hysterical! I know someone who lives in South Africa, so I got it all! Too funny.

I am so glad you enjoyed my pics of Wizarding World Rachel. I got back yesterday to the tune of super cold temps and snow...NOOOOO! I want to go back to Hogsmeade!

I didn't know if you knew about my HP blogfest. Stop over when you get the chance. If you an HP lover, you'd have fun with this.... There are prizes. Do i want to know about mailing something there? lol



Grandpa said...

I have not been to South Africa - heard the beach there's awesome! Thanks for the tips Rachel

Hart Johnson said...

This is fascinating to me! Sounds a little like what I hear of Colombia, only without the kidnapping. I guess I'm surprised because I have a local friend from there, and hadn't heard all this, and because my uncle lived for years in Botswana, and the things he encountered were very different. Love the 'knowing the national anthem in 4 languages, but not what it means in any of them!'

Ellie said...

I've never been to South Africa but I'm fascinated by your list. You know you're in Devon when crossing the road involves avoiding cow dung!