Monday, November 29, 2010

Just for Laughs (1): The Man Rules

The Man Rules

Please note: these are all numbered 1. ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one.
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you already think you’re fat, then don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say ‘nothing’, we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine… Really.

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or motor sports.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight.
But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.

Got something funny to share? Post it on your blog and leave a link in the comments below. Or, if it's short, just share it in the comments :-)


gideon 86 said...


I am still laughing! You have a fantastic sense of humor. How many years have you been married? You seem to really get men.

You do know there are exceptions I hope. I am not that bad, but I do know guys just like the one you based your post on.

I'm glad you've been enjoying my WW posts. I'm having a blast here in Florida, and I only have five days left...


Rachel Morgan said...

Ha ha! I WISH I'd written it, Gideon! (and no, not married just yet!).

I do know that most men aren't this bad... It's still funny though :-)

Joanna St. James said...

this is hilarious, even my 2 year old is already showing the signs; he does not care if my shoes match he just wants us to hurry up and go to the playground

Kristina Fugate said...

HA! This is sooo funny! It reminds me a lot of my boyfriend.

Carole Anne Carr said...

Yes, it made me laugh too. Thanks!

Margo Benson said...

Soooo funny, thanks!

The Blogger Formerly Known As said...

Made me laugh too. Some of these points are worryingly close to the truth though. Even the most sensible of men don’t think they ever need directions, do they? Bless them.
The enigmatic, masked blogger

Quinn said...

thought this was really funny and accurate (in most cases)

Kari Marie said...

This is hilarious. I will have to share with my husband tonight during our anniversay celebration. Thanks for the chuckles on a dreaded monday morning.

Colene Murphy said...

Hahahaha! Love it. so. damn. true.

Mary Mary said...

Hilarious! Thanks for the chuckle!

Grandpa said...

Ha ha Rachel, I like number 1! Oh goodness me, they all sound so right!