Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Just for Laughs (11): Word Play

So there's this email that's been circulating for, um, YEARS! I know because when I received it this past week it looked VERY familiar to one someone forwarded me a few years back! And if you Google Washington Post's Mensa invitational you'll find this same email everywhere.

Nevertheless, it is still highly amusing, and I must have looked like a right idiot standing in the middle of the pharmacy this week as I read it off my phone and snorted out loud at these definitions.

So... here is the email:

The Washington Post's Mensa invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are the winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease.

11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido : All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.) : Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade, v.. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a

7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon, n.. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of jockey shorts worn by Jewish men.

PS. You've got less than a day left to vote for the winners of the Power of Tension Blogfest!


D. U. Okonkwo said...

LOL - These word puzzles make me laugh - whatever's next? :o)

Colene Murphy said...

Bahahaha! Oh. I laughed so much! Thanks for this Rachel!

Colene Murphy said...

Bahahaha! Oh. I laughed so much! Thanks for this Rachel!

Kari Marie said...

Heee heee heee! These were delightful. I can't wait for hubby to get home so I can read them to him.

Abby Minard said...

Oh yes, I've gotten these emails a couple times, and don't worry, I snort every time. LOVE it!!

Kim said...

Loved these lists! To add to it, just this morning my four-year old said he was pretending to be a "meateator" - a dinosaur who only eats meat :)

Cally Jackson said...

Yep, now I'm the one who looks like the idiot, giggling at these on the train. And this is the first time I've read them, so maybe Australia missed out on the forward? :-)