Just for Laughs (8): Say WHAT?

*Answers to First Crusader Challenge at bottom of post*

Excuse Letters

Letters from parents to teachers, excusing their children from school.

Source

• "My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him."
• "Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick, and I had her shot."
• "Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33."
• "Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating."
• "Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip."
• "John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face."
• "Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part."
• "Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins."
• "Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side."
• "Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels."
• "Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea, and his boots leak."
• "Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust."
• "Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault."
• "Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday."
• "Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral."
• "My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines."
• "Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well."
• "Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps."
• "Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover."
• "Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor."
• "Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache, and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever, and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night."

Patient Charts

Doctors' remarks on patient charts.

Source

• "Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year."
• "On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely."
• "The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993."
• "Discharge status: Alive but without permission."
• "Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful."
• "The patient refused an autopsy."
• "The patient has no past history of suicides."
• "Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital."
• "Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days."
• "Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch."
• "She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night."
• "She is numb from her toes down."
• "While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home."
• "The skin was moist and dry."
• "Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches."
• "Patient was alert and unresponsive."
• "She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce."
• "I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy."
• "The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead."
• "Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities."
• "Skin: Somewhat pale but present."
• "Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen, and I agree."
• "By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart stopped, and he was feeling better."
• "The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed."
• "When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room."
• "Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing."
• "The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him."
• "The patient expired on the floor uneventfully."

Smile, it's Monday :-)

~ ~ ~

First Crusader Challenge: Answers

1. Wearing some form of shoe 99% of the time = INTERESTING QUIRK
2. The bloviating friend I'm embarrassed of = SECRET
3. Correcting people's pronunciation = ANNOYING HABIT
4. Seeing things from someone else's point of view = BEST TRAIT
5. Holidaying at the mountain resort = FAVOURITE THING
6. Carrying a notebook everywhere to write in = LIE

The majority vote for 1 to 5 had it right :-) But people couldn't agree on what 6 was!

Thanks for voting!