Friday, September 9, 2011

First Campaigner Challenge - Confrontation

The Challenge:

Write a short story/flash fiction story in 200 words or less, excluding the title. It can be in any format, including a poem. Begin the story with the words, “The door swung open” These four words will be included in the word count.

If you want to give yourself an added challenge (optional), use the same beginning words and end with the words: "the door swung shut." (also included in the word count)

For those who want an even greater challenge, make your story 200 words EXACTLY!


The door swung open – and then swung back and hit me in the face.

“It’s none of your damn business!” screeched Holly from the other side of the door.

I moaned something unintelligible and clutched my throbbing nose. Flip, that was painful. I aimed my leg at the door and kicked as hard as I could. It slammed open against the chalkboard with a bang like a gunshot.

“What the —”

“You broke my nose!” I yelled.

“And I’d be happy to break it again!” She grabbed the nearest object – Mrs Carmel’s stapler – and flung it at my head. “How dare you embarrass me like that in front of everyone?”

I dodged the stapler. “How dare you go after my ex-boyfriend? Isn’t that against some kind of universal sister code?”

“He went after me! And if you were sticking to any universal sister code you’d quit being such a bitch and ask me what he did to me to make me so upset.”

I paused, breathing hard. “He did something to you?”

Holly shook her head. “No way. You don’t get to care now. It’s too late.” She strode past me and out into the corridor. The door swung shut.

(200 words)

PS. If you like my story, click here and I'm number 350 on the list :-)


28 comments:

AveryMarsh said...

The action and dialogue really pulled me in, making me feel like I was right in the middle of the fight. And by the end, I was just as concerned as the MC. Well done.

Rachel Morgan said...

Thanks, Avery :-)

Carrie Butler said...

Nice! I'd love to see this extended. Great work! :D

mish said...

Great tension in your piece ... and what on earth did the boyfriend do ? The options are endless ...
My entry is no.#59

Sarah Pearson said...

I liked this, I'm very curious. Definitely a piece that could be expanded :-)

Ellie Garratt said...

Ouch. That told her!

Wow. This really worked for me, and the dialogue was spot-on. Off course, now I want to know more!

L'Aussie said...

Lots of action there in a few short words.

Denise

Maria said...

Excellent dialogue! I was right there.

CherylAnne Ham said...

What a great short piece. I could relate to both characters right up to the ending.

rebeccaenzor said...

Great scene - very tense, very real feeling. And I've totally broken someone's nose with a door (on accident) before!

Susanna Leonard Hill said...

Love this one! Great scene, characters, tension! definitely a "like"!

Christine Rains said...

Ha! This was great! I love the dialogue and action. Good job. :)

The Golden Eagle said...

A lot of characters seem to be running into doors in this Challenge. :P

Great entry! I wonder what happened to Holly.

My entry.

Amanda Milner said...

Help! Why am I not seeing your story?? I can read all the comments (and by everyone's reactions I want to read it even more) and the title of your post but nothing else. Very weird. I can see your previous posts... curiouser and curiouser! Lol!

lindy said...

Hi Rachel! I liked the tension building, the informative, yet realistic dialogue, and the unexpected humor. Great job. Congratulations, you've been short listed, and will be moving on to the second stage!

Jessica Therrien said...

I loved the high intensity. It definitely sucked me in and had me reading fast. Great story :)

Laila Knight said...

Hey there fellow Fantasy writer. I've been off for a week but just found you on the campaign. Happy to meet you and am now following you.

Michael Di Gesu said...

Hi, Rachel.

DRAMA... This girl is fierce... Well done.

Madeleine said...

Oh dear the story in the post has disappeared, so I can't read it!!

Amanda Milner said...

Aha! I followed the link you sent on my DROID and I can see your story! Yay!I Thank you. :)
Wow, very intense. Someone would have to be seriously ticked to huck a stapler at someone 's head. I wonder what the boyfriend did! Would definitely read on. :)

Rachel Morgan said...

Thank you for all the lovely comments! And since I'm taking so long to read all my e-mails these days, I only just saw that I got shortlisted. Thank you, Lindy!!

Madeleine said...

Shame, it's still not loading for me! :O(

Jessica Therrien said...

Thanks for visiting my blog and reading my story Rachel! Your comment made me laugh so hard. You are a funny one :)

David Powers King said...

Great. Now I want to know what happened. That was an excellent dialogue exchange. I really got into the argument of your characters.

Great job, Rachel! :)

J.L. Campbell said...

I;m slowly making the rounds. I like the quickness of this. The action and dialogue moved me right though in no time and yes, I want to find out what that guy did to Holly.

Len Lambert said...

Great dialogue! I'd like to know what happens next though. :)

Chris K. said...

What a lot of amazing conflict and action in 200 words! Thanks very much for sharing.

I'm in your Fantasy Campaigner group, so I hope to see you again down the Campaign trail.

Rebecca Emin said...

This is superb. It's left me wanting to know more.