Just for Laughs (12): Funny T-Shirts

Earlier this year I did a "Just for Laughs" post on T-shirts that I came across on the web and thought were kinda cool... Here are some more for all you geeks out there :-)

These can all be found at ThinkGeek.

I think my fav is "resistance is futile"!

Just for Laughs (11): Word Play

So there's this email that's been circulating for, um, YEARS! I know because when I received it this past week it looked VERY familiar to one someone forwarded me a few years back! And if you Google Washington Post's Mensa invitational you'll find this same email everywhere.

Nevertheless, it is still highly amusing, and I must have looked like a right idiot standing in the middle of the pharmacy this week as I read it off my phone and snorted out loud at these definitions.

So... here is the email:

The Washington Post's Mensa invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are the winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease.

11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido : All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.) : Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:


1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade, v.. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a
nightgown.

7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon, n.. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of jockey shorts worn by Jewish men.

PS. You've got less than a day left to vote for the winners of the Power of Tension Blogfest!

Just for Laughs (10): Add Your Own Caption

Blogger's telling me again that I don't currently follow any blogs. (What's that you say, Blogger? Zero? Interesting... I thought it was more like 367...).
*sigh*

Anyway, enjoy the pics!

Feel free to make up your own captions and post them in the comments :-)

1. Nyum, nyum, nyum...

2. But I found it first... Can't I keep it?

3. Heil, Hilter! (Ok, don't shoot me for that one please!)

4. I like to maintain a certain level of decency, okay!

5. Just snoozin' in ma roti...

6. Take me home, pleeeeeeease!

Just for Laughs (9): T-Shirts I Love

Funny T-Shirts

David and Goliath

Threadless

Threadless

David and Goliath

David and Goliath

Which one do you like best? :-)

Just for Laughs (8): Say WHAT?

*Answers to First Crusader Challenge at bottom of post*

Excuse Letters

Letters from parents to teachers, excusing their children from school.

Source

• "My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him."
• "Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick, and I had her shot."
• "Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33."
• "Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating."
• "Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip."
• "John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face."
• "Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part."
• "Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins."
• "Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side."
• "Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels."
• "Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea, and his boots leak."
• "Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust."
• "Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault."
• "Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday."
• "Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral."
• "My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines."
• "Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well."
• "Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps."
• "Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover."
• "Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor."
• "Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache, and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever, and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night."

Patient Charts

Doctors' remarks on patient charts.

Source

• "Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year."
• "On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely."
• "The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993."
• "Discharge status: Alive but without permission."
• "Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful."
• "The patient refused an autopsy."
• "The patient has no past history of suicides."
• "Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital."
• "Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days."
• "Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch."
• "She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night."
• "She is numb from her toes down."
• "While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home."
• "The skin was moist and dry."
• "Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches."
• "Patient was alert and unresponsive."
• "She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce."
• "I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy."
• "The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead."
• "Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities."
• "Skin: Somewhat pale but present."
• "Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen, and I agree."
• "By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart stopped, and he was feeling better."
• "The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed."
• "When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room."
• "Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing."
• "The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him."
• "The patient expired on the floor uneventfully."

Smile, it's Monday :-)

~ ~ ~

First Crusader Challenge: Answers

1. Wearing some form of shoe 99% of the time = INTERESTING QUIRK
2. The bloviating friend I'm embarrassed of = SECRET
3. Correcting people's pronunciation = ANNOYING HABIT
4. Seeing things from someone else's point of view = BEST TRAIT
5. Holidaying at the mountain resort = FAVOURITE THING
6. Carrying a notebook everywhere to write in = LIE

The majority vote for 1 to 5 had it right :-) But people couldn't agree on what 6 was!

Thanks for voting!

Just for Laughs (7): You Can Has Laughs Here

Okay. Being a writer I have to just say that I don't encourage you to repeat the terrible English you'll find in this post! But the pictures are so cute.... And I loves them ;-)

Just for Laughs (6): Which Toilet Would You Pick?

I recently found myself quite entertained after visiting the toilets at the Protea Hotel Fire and Ice in Cape Town. Why, you ask, would I possibly be entertained by toilets? Well...

There are five toilets, each with their own label on the door:

• long drop
• stage fright
• out house
• lou rawls
• temptation

Inside long drop you will find a construction scene surrounding a toilet made of some kind of metal:

Inside stage fright you will find mirrors and life-size pictures of an audience watching you!

Inside out house you will find wood and corrugated metal forming a nice little shed around your toilet:

Inside lou rawls you will find... well, lots and lots of loo rolls!

And inside temptation (this one's the best!) you'll find...

What's behind the towels, you might ask? Well, if you pull the towel across to find out...
there's a big light bulb covering the important bits and an alarm goes off so that everyone outside knows you had a peep!! He he ;-)

And here's another little of bit of fun. The cigar lounge, labelled the coughin room:

And if you go in and look up at the ceiling...

you're in a grave and people are looking down at you!

~ ~ ~

Hope I made you smile this Monday :-)

Now tell me: which toilet would you use?

Just for Laughs (5): Wisdom from Despair.com

Because everyone needs a laugh on a Monday...

Just for Laughs (4): South Africa's Version of Google Earth

I so love this picture!

South Africa's version of Google Earth

Source

In case you can't see it clearly, the markers are all over the township and point to Your TV, Your Car, Your Mobile and Your DVD Player. Hee hee hee! Unfortunately, it's too true...

If you've ever lived in South Africa then the label in the corner, Google-letu, will make sense to you. (For those who don't get it, there is a township outside of Cape Town called Guguletu)

Got something funny to share? Post it on your blog and leave a link in the comments below. Or, if it's short, just share it in the comments :-)

Just for Laughs (3): Reasons to Stop Writing

If you can still laugh at these after all the countless hours of writing you've struggled through, congratulations. You still have a sense of humour :-)

Source